Random thoughts from the mind of an 18 year old…

So…it is currently 12:49am as I’m writing this…although by the time I publish this and by the time anyone reads this it will be long past 12:49am on July 1…

Anyway…I can’t sleep.  Typical.  I do a lot of thinking on these nights when I can’t get to sleep and tonight my brain is out of control with random thoughts about my current life. 

Now that I’ve graduated high school and summer has officially started, I’m beginning to realize how lonely I am.  For the first two weeks of summer I had an insane amount of babysitting jobs which kept my mind completely pre-occupied and I didn’t think about what I would do when my babysitting jobs ended.  Well, guess what?  The long string of jobs has ended and my mind is now completely unoccupied which means the realization has finally kicked in.  By that I mean the realization that I really don’t have any friends.  Any real friends that is.  You see, my two “best friends” and I just got into, what we’ll call, a fight.  Long story short…we aired out our feelings and now…we’re not really friends.  So…I have had nobody to talk to or hang out with since school ended.  This sucks. Big time.  For the past few days I have been living on the internet.  I have become obsessed with YouTube, Tumblr, Twitter, and of course Facebook.  It’s become part of my daily routine to check these every, I don’t know, ten minutes or so.  It has become so routine that the people I follow on Tumblr, and Twitter, along with my YouTube gurus(which all coincidentally happen to be the same people for all three sites), have become, in my mind at least, my friends.  My virtual friends.  Is that sad?  I look forward to new posts from them everyday.  I seriously have zero life.  It shouldn’t be like this.  I’m an 18 year old girl…I should be out having an amazing time.  It’s summer for Christ’s sakes!  I should be out on the beach or at the pool, tanning with my best girl friends, or out doing crazy stuff with a huge group of my friends.  I should be taking loads of pictures and posting them of Facebook.  I should be having the time of my life…and yet I sit here, with an empty camera memory card,  trying to figure out where things went so terribly wrong.  

I have also been thinking a lot about my relationship status.  You all remember my “30 Day Challenge” right?  Well day 13?  I think about him all the time.  Why?  I couldn’t even begin to tell you.  I start to think that I miss him.  Part of that may be true.  I start to think that I really want him back.  But what I think I really miss is not him, but the concept of him.  The concept of having a boyfriend.  I don’t really know why.  I think it’s because I see so many people around me in happy relationships and I want that for myself. 

I can’t wait for my classes to start.  I can’t wait to start making new friends.  I can’t wait to have something to keep my mind off of all this crap.  It’s a new beginning.

Why am I telling you all of this?  I have no idea.  I just felt the need to vent and you all…whoever you are…if you’re even out there…will hopefully be sitting here, still bearing with me, listening to me vent.  So…thank you to whoever you are.  You’re a saint for sitting through all of this.

So…now that it is 1:09am on July 1, 2011…I am finally going to say good night…or rather good morning…and I am going to get some much needed sleep, and hopefully wake up tomorrow to find that it’s a better day.

Until next time…

Grad Party & Graduation! :)

Well…the big moment is finally here…I am finally considered a high school grad! It’s scary to think that I will now join all of you in the “real world”.  Still not sure that I’m really ready for it just yet…but I guess you know what they say…"when life gives you lemons…” we’ll see how that one goes. 

Anyway, I just wanted to show you all the pictures from my graduation party and from graduation!

Enjoy!

The delicious cake!

Watermelon that my dad carved!

Ireland center-piece!

Sign Language center-piece!

Beach center-piece!

Disney World center-piece!

Of course we HAD to have a Sugarland center-piece!

I just couldn’t wait to dig into that yummy cake!

Quite possibly the coolest cookies I’ve ever seen!

One of the many amazing gifts I received…I just love my face..priceless!

 

It took an hour to call all those names and fill all those seats…

Grammy and Pop-pop

Aunt Robin and Uncle Jim

The whole family!

Natalia!

Maura!

Sporting the Pennsbury Pride!

Allison!

Alex…friends since the 1st grade!

My Senior Sermon @ Church

 

So basically, at my church, whenever there is a senior from the youth group graduating, they typical routine is for that particular senior to give the sermon at church.  So…seeing as I am the only senior and I was the only person in my youth group…I was appointed the job…lucky me.

So here it is…for those of you who are interested…take a look…some of the references you probably won’t get unless you go to my church but I think it’s still pretty funny .  Enjoy!

 

Six years ago, I was a Catholic. Wow, it felt good to get that off my chest. I was confirmed in the Catholic Church after going through six long years of dreaded CCD. Mind you…I did learn a lot in those six years about theology and the teachings of Jesus Christ; however…after receiving all of my sacraments as a Catholic, I just didn’t feel connected to the Catholic Church. As a little kid, we never really went to church much and never talked about God at home. Being at the age of curiosity, I always found myself pondering the ideas I had learned in CCD, and I always wondered what more was out there besides me. Who created it all? So, as you’d imagine, I sprang at the opportunity to learn when my mother got the job as “administrative assistant” here at Incarnation. I was a little weary about asking my mom to take me to church but as I started meeting all of the people here, and getting to know all of you, I finally worked up the courage to ask and really…the rest is history.

I have now been at Incarnation for six years and these past six years have been some of the most memorable times of my life. You all here have sort of become like a second family to me. In a way…I’ve grown up a lot since I first started coming to Sunday morning services. A lot has happened to me here. I learned to ski, I joined the Rite-13/J2A group, I made a lot of new friends and I truly saw God for the first time when I went to Ireland on my pilgrimage.

One of the reasons I love coming here to Incarnation is simply for all of you. Incarnation is a place where I don’t feel judged because of what I believe in. I like having a place to go to where everyone shares the same beliefs as me. It’s a place I feel comfortable, and a place where I know I can always come to feel accepted and feel in place.

I feel that since coming here, I have learned more in these past six years than I ever would have without you all. I’ll never forget, about 3 years ago, I was sitting in my Grandmother’s house and we were all watching Jeopardy, and a religion question came on…something about threading a camel through a needle and the true meaning being misinterpreted from the original language of the bible…something along those lines…but I remember that I knew the answer to it, a big shout out to Andrena for that one…we may have not always gotten along when you were my Rite-13 teacher..but at least I can say that I could successfully answer that question if I was ever on Jeopardy one day. And…while we are on the topic of Rite-13…I think we should take a parish poll of who else thinks that God is, in fact a woman. I don’t know about you but I still think only a woman could create those beautiful landscapes and only a woman would have the patience to write a book as long as the bible, because let’s face it…only a woman has that much to say. Ah…fun times. Also, while we’re doing shout outs, I think it’s only fair to give a huge one to Mrs. Froelich for “teaching me how to ski”…that one went well. J But seriously…you personally have made a lot of these years here at Incarnation well worth it for me. I don’t know anyone else brave enough to deal with me in the morning…especially in another country…well besides Dan and, of course, my mother…but she doesn’t really count…she doesn’t really volunteer for those kinds of jobs…she’s just kind of appointed to them due to the fact that she gave birth to me…sorry mom…you chose to bring me home J

While we’re doing back stories…I might as well throw in a few more. You know…hide and go seek has always been a favorite game of mine and I think I demonstrated that pretty well when I tried to hide from Sandy to avoid serving on the altar. Ok…it wasn’t really fun for her at the time but it was for me and let’s be honest…it’s pretty funny now.

Some other things I love about coming to Incarnation include: the peace…I love the peace…seriously…I just love it. I love always getting a nice big hug from Mr. Dixon! I love it because it’s a time when I can talk to everyone and see the people who I don’t get the chance to talk to at Coffee Hour. A more recent favorite of mine is the Search Committee. I feel so honored to be a part of such a distinguished group of people. Another one of my good memories here was being confirmed by the Bishop…that was a really awesome experience for me. And…the big Kahuna of all of my many, many, many memories here was going to Ireland. It’s hard to believe that it will have been a year in August. I honestly still cannot thank all of you enough for allowing me the opportunity to go on such an amazing trip, and going through a lot of spiritual changes. I really saw God in every single thing I did in Ireland which was a huge eye-opener for me. Going to Ireland was just such a GE as my Uncle Ken would say…a Growth Experience.

I feel I should let you all know that I love all of you and I have loved living in this stage of my life along side all of you. I am so looking forward to continuing onto the newest stage of my life…college. Although I’m going to college…I’m not leaving. I’ll still be around for another two years, as I’m going to Community College of Philadelphia…lucky you…you get me for at least another two years!

I can’t wait for all the new memories that lie ahead, and all the new experiences I will gain along my path in life. Thank you all for everything that you have represented for me these past six years…my second family, my home away from home, and my friends.