So…it is currently 12:49am as I’m writing this…although by the time I publish this and by the time anyone reads this it will be long past 12:49am on July 1…
Anyway…I can’t sleep. Typical. I do a lot of thinking on these nights when I can’t get to sleep and tonight my brain is out of control with random thoughts about my current life.
Now that I’ve graduated high school and summer has officially started, I’m beginning to realize how lonely I am. For the first two weeks of summer I had an insane amount of babysitting jobs which kept my mind completely pre-occupied and I didn’t think about what I would do when my babysitting jobs ended. Well, guess what? The long string of jobs has ended and my mind is now completely unoccupied which means the realization has finally kicked in. By that I mean the realization that I really don’t have any friends. Any real friends that is. You see, my two “best friends” and I just got into, what we’ll call, a fight. Long story short…we aired out our feelings and now…we’re not really friends. So…I have had nobody to talk to or hang out with since school ended. This sucks. Big time. For the past few days I have been living on the internet. I have become obsessed with YouTube, Tumblr, Twitter, and of course Facebook. It’s become part of my daily routine to check these every, I don’t know, ten minutes or so. It has become so routine that the people I follow on Tumblr, and Twitter, along with my YouTube gurus(which all coincidentally happen to be the same people for all three sites), have become, in my mind at least, my friends. My virtual friends. Is that sad? I look forward to new posts from them everyday. I seriously have zero life. It shouldn’t be like this. I’m an 18 year old girl…I should be out having an amazing time. It’s summer for Christ’s sakes! I should be out on the beach or at the pool, tanning with my best girl friends, or out doing crazy stuff with a huge group of my friends. I should be taking loads of pictures and posting them of Facebook. I should be having the time of my life…and yet I sit here, with an empty camera memory card, trying to figure out where things went so terribly wrong.
I have also been thinking a lot about my relationship status. You all remember my “30 Day Challenge” right? Well day 13? I think about him all the time. Why? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. I start to think that I miss him. Part of that may be true. I start to think that I really want him back. But what I think I really miss is not him, but the concept of him. The concept of having a boyfriend. I don’t really know why. I think it’s because I see so many people around me in happy relationships and I want that for myself.
I can’t wait for my classes to start. I can’t wait to start making new friends. I can’t wait to have something to keep my mind off of all this crap. It’s a new beginning.
Why am I telling you all of this? I have no idea. I just felt the need to vent and you all…whoever you are…if you’re even out there…will hopefully be sitting here, still bearing with me, listening to me vent. So…thank you to whoever you are. You’re a saint for sitting through all of this.
So…now that it is 1:09am on July 1, 2011…I am finally going to say good night…or rather good morning…and I am going to get some much needed sleep, and hopefully wake up tomorrow to find that it’s a better day.
Until next time…
No comments:
Post a Comment